quarantinues ..."good and horrible"

Hey y'all, hope you're staying healthy and sane!

I asked the girls the other day what quarantine life was like and they said, "good and horrible".  What a beautiful response! We're learning about the important life skill of holding tension in this season. I know for those families with the virus and even those doing shelter-in-place, feelings of depression, anxiety, and panic are setting in. For those dear helpless souls who have the virus and are stuck in a room all alone for weeks are experiencing the upper limits of their capacity to be isolated and feeling things they have never known. I want to encourage you, wherever you are, to hold the tension. Allow yourself and friends and family to express their sadness, what is lost? what is sad? was it this costing you? what are you fearful about? what does it feel like for you? AND what is good about this season? where is the sweetness? where do you see growth? Both together, neither elevated. None for us know what exactly it'll be like on the other side of this or all the implications, and so to say everything will be fine might not be true, but to say "I don't know, but I'll be with you" brings true comfort. This is the promise offered us in Christ, and we can reflect Him to each other when we hold space for others to feel emotions in tension and say, I'll be with you.

Here are some GOOD things about our quarantine:

1- Sleeping in. I haven't slept this much in a decade, and I love it so much!!
2- The gift of unhurried time
3- Getting to wear my favorite outfit everyday, sweats!
4- Quarantinis
5- Playing board games with the girls, which I really don't do in real life
6- Waving to neighbors (from over a 10ft' distance) I've never seen before
7- Time to reflect and wonder
8- Everyone using their gifts to virtually give to each other, thanks to the songwriters singing from their kitchens, astronauts reading children's stories from space, artists giving drawing lessons from their studio, and Dave Barnes Quarenteenie Tiny minute of Humor on insta!:)
9- All the baked goods! Especially enjoying homemade bread.
10- I love you. It must be a pandemic thing, everyone is telling us they love us- even if I have never met them! In return, I have been telling random people "love you, stay safe!",  I think I told the amazon delivery guy the other day. I guess it's fine.

Back to Ryan's day to day, and the hard part of the tension,

Day 8, 3/17- He had a low grade fever, and felt fatigued and chest soreness. This seems to be the time in other cases where patients tend to start to get better or pneumonia kicks in and they go to the hospital. It is hard because no one knows exactly what the normal course of this virus looks like, and it looks different for different people. A doctor (in protective gear) came to listen to him breathe and said his lungs sounded good, and that they can be inflamed and sore as they are healing. If he has difficulty breathing or his oximeter is reading low levels of oxygen, those are good indicators to be admitted to the hospital. Even then, in the hospital, it sounds like it would be mostly supportive care, help with breathing and it just needs to run its course.

Day 9, 3/18- He had a low grade fever, and no appetite. He says food has abnormal tastes and smells. He also says he has felt more nauseous. He took a nap. He felt more positive and encouraged about his lungs.

Day 10, 3/19- He is coughing more, and his chest hurts, but getting the junk out of his lungs is a good thing. He didn't have a fever. He took a nap. He says his brain hurts and he cant really read or focus for long. He says he wants to pull his hair out and cry, the isolation and the pain and duration and unknown are too much. He sat in a chair in the sun (far away from any humans) and watched the girls play with balls and bubbles and that really helped.

Day 11, 3/20- Today! He slept pretty well. No fever. His chest is still is sore. I think he really longs for someone to tell him he is doing great and this is super normal and he is recovering, but no one really knows. I think he is recovering? People ask everyday, how is he? I don't know. One moment of one day he has some energy and thinks he's turning the corner and then an hour later he feels terrible and takes a nap. I would think Day 11 is a great day to feel better, but I hear it's really up and down for couple weeks, maybe 3, before he's fully functional and 100%. I hope he is past the pneumonia part at this point, I think he is. We do have friends who got exposed the same night who continue to improve and have been fever free for a week, but no one feels great. We also know of people who have needed additional support.

My conception of it continues to change as days go by, but when you add up the physical and the emotional and the unknown and the scarcity of resources, this thing is a doozy, y'all. I think we are collectively left with accepting our place as creatures in a created world, controlling what we can control for sure, and asking the creator to intervene for his name sake. This is the order that has always been, but we see it more clearly in a pandemic. May He use this crisis for the upbuilding of His kingdom, for our good and His glory.
"Love you, stay safe, I'm with you"
virtual xo