NICU

I am so thankful that the girls are here, and that I can see and touch them.  I am so in love with them, and at the same time, it's just a new "hard".  I cannot tell you how many times in this "pregnancy" I have said, "this is the hardest thing I have ever done", but I'm just sure it's true of the NICU. I miss them so much when I'm away, and I'm stressed by every alarm when I'm there. I hold back tears every time they get pricked, probed, or prodded. I hate that when they cry, I can't hold them to comfort them. It is so hard to trust the nurses with their care, and let go of control of my children over and over. I wonder if they will be ok, if we'll all make it. I'm learning how to cope with this, but have not figured it out yet, it's a different pain than anything I've known. Some days it agonizes me to look at my 2 pound, Evangeline. She is just SO small and looks more like a fetus than a baby. I HATE TTTS for what it did to my child. I know it was not my fault, but it pains me so much that my body was such a harmful place for her.

Objectively, the girls are doing well for their gestation. They have had a few hiccups; Audrey's IV blew and burned her little leg, & Evangeline has low heart rate drops that seem to last forever... But, mostly they are doing what is normal for 32 weekers. They continue to go up on feeds and are both still breathing on their own and off photo therapy for now. Audrey got her IV out, which Momma is so thankful for because it means no more chance for burns! Evangeline is weaning off her PICC line too. We are starting to work on breast feeding!

It is really hard for me to draw on the truth of the Gospel right now. I can barely utter the words, "Your will be done". But, it is true that Jesus has carried my family through each difficult stage of this pregnancy, and He continues to give us enough grace to get us through each day one at a time. I think the girls will make it though their NICU journey, not because they are fighters, but because Jesus is fighting for them. 

Thank you for continuing to check in on us! 

In love

Im so exhausted, but wanted to give a quick update. The girls are doing really well, as well as they can be at this point. Audrey is breathing on her own and tolerating her feedings really well. She pretty interactive too, which surprises us. We love snuggling with her. Evangeline is still on oxygen to keep her little lungs open, and is also tolerating her feedings well. She is on "minimal stimulation" and so I don't get as much interaction with her, which is really hard. I can't wait for her to be off oxygen so I can see her face and snuggle more with her. Both girl's brain scans came back negative, so no brain bleeds! 

I got back from the hospital yesterday. I had been there a month, and so it was amazing to be home and sleep in my own bed with my husband! I missed him! It has also been super challenging as I am trying to figure out this pumping schedule, recover from surgery, and cope with being away from the girls- it's ALOT! Sometimes Im so happy, and sometimes I just cry and cry. I feel like I'm barely surviving the days, with the pumping, spending time at the NICU, and trying to feed and take care of myself. I know as my pain goes down, and I figure out a system, all of this will be a bit more manageable- but for now, I'm still trying to figure out how to do it all. So many have asked to visit, I really appreciate it, but I feel like I need a bit more time to settle into this. Thank you for checkin in! Thank you for your prayers and please praise God for bringing the girls to delivery. 

Evangeline

Audrey

At Long Last...

Welp,
The day we've all been praying for is here! Thanks for all you prayers, comments and concerns. Here are the brief details...more to come later, for sure... (sorry for the delay on this, for those who have been waiting). God has been kind!

1) The babies are here and are doing well. While they are NICU bound for a while, they are here! Laura and I are proud to announce the following:

Audrey Clark | Born at 10:44a | 3lb. 10oz | 16.14 in. | Chocked-full of Cuteness
Evangeline Sommer | Born at 10:45a | 2 lb 0oz | 14.57 in | Melt-your-heart Daintiness

2) Rockstar/Hero Momma is doing well. She is back in her room and sleeping well. Wow, what a woman!

Here are some photos and a video of Evangeline. Thanks so much for your prayers!

Ryan (for Laura & the girls)

Audrey Clark Anderson

Evangeline Sommer Anderson

Tomorrow is the biggest day of our lives! The sono today indicated that my placenta is about out of steam, and it is just time to go- so I feel good about delivering tomorrow and not pushing it any further. On one hand we feel so ready, and on the other, so not! We are thrilled, nervous, anxious, relieved, etc. Can't wait to be able to see and touch them, and finally start growing Evangeline. Last day as non parents for the rest of our lives!

 We will post pics to the blog as soon as we're able. Lots of folks have been asking about visiting the girls, and we appreciate it, but prefer to hold off for this week as I just want to be sure they are stable and me as well. We will be sure to let people know when we are ready. Thank you so much for your loyalty, care, and prayers. Can't believe we made it this far- so thankful to Jesus!!

April 24th

C- Section @ 10am on Tuesday April 24th! We're getting so close, can't wait!

The end is in sight!

Today, I met with Dr. Papa who informed me that they think it would be best to take the girls at 32 weeks (around April 23rd), barring that nothing happens before then. At that point, it will be riskier for the girls to stay in than come out, especially since Evangeline is barely growing. Monday, Evangeline weighed 1lb 11oz, and Audrey was 2 lb 13 oz. I doubt that E will be more than 2 pounds at delivery, but at least she will have the maturity of a 32 weeker. This is my 3rd week in the hospital, and I am thrilled to have the end in sight (12 days!). I think 32 weeks is obviously not ideal, but given the circumstances, I feel good about delivering then. I still have a lot of fear and anxiety about the girl's outcomes after all this, but I am really trying to be optimistic and thankful to have made it this far. I cannot wait for this hellacious pregnancy to be over, and to meet these determined little girls! Hopefully we can make it 32 weeks! Thank you for your prayers, friends!

30 weeks

This Easter we have alot to celebrate, and are reminded of the power of God to defeat death and give life! 2 weeks ago when I was admitted to the hospital, we never thought we'd get this far. The girls are doing well. Audrey continues to thrive, and Evangeline is tolerating her absent end diastolic blood flow really well (the doc said she has never seen a baby tolerate it so well). She can't tolerate it forever though and because of her poor placental function there will come a time when she "out grows" her section of the placenta, and it can no longer support her- at that point we will do the C section. So, who knows how much longer they have in there, we take it one day at a time...

I haven't lost my mind being in the hospital yet. I'm thrilled that the girls have gotten this far, and that gives me endurance. I have days where I am hopeful, and also days where I am very sad and anxious. I have gotten by with lots of visitors, my mom being in town (although she left today :( ), and very sweet nurses. Last week they gave me walking and outdoor privileges. I go outdoors twice a day, which REALLY helps my sanity- and it has been beautiful here. I also have monitoring in the morning and afternoon, where they do fetal heart tracings, and monitor contractions. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I have sonograms, where they do biophysical exams on the girls.

The neonatologist tells us that at 30 weeks, in our specific case (tiny TTTS twins), the girls have a 75-80% chance of survival, which is not high enough for this momma, so these girlies can't come out yet! Thank you for your continued prayers and support! Maybe we'll make it to 32?? xoxo