Friday, October 21, 2011


 My heart was POUNDING. It was 6am, still dark, Ryan was asleep. This moment all to myself and God.

I wondered what I should do: do I just act normal and pretend I haven't just had the biggest morning of my life in order to tell him later in a fun way? do I tell him now? can I make it out of town for 4 days in STL in it alone? Im terrified, Im thrilled! can I do this? I take it back, Lord- I don't want it! too much responsibility, what if I mess it up! Im scared. what if it dies? can I bear the pain? should I hope? will it be healthy? will it struggle in life? It can't be true. It's all worth it, the Lord will be near.

2 minutes waiting in the dark bathroom trying to comprehend. Hands trembling, heart racing.

Into the bedroom, on with the light! "Sweetie!!! Look!!" +++++++++++++ I couldn't help it!