We had our first sonogram at 9 weeks. I was nervous and excited to see a little heart beat and have some confirmation that everything was ok. I was thankful to have Ryan by my side. The technician asked me if I was more nauseous than most people, and I said that I was very sick, but didn't really know how bad...
Ryan asked him if he could see a heart beat, he looked us in the eye and said, " I can see 2". I didn't waste anytime bursting into tears, Ryan shouted with surprise and delight. "Im gunna throw-up and die" I said under sobs. In the same moment I felt so very honored and grateful, and utterly sick and terrified thinking of all that would be required of me: how will I ever do it? How will I survive? Will I ever sleep? Will my body be so out of resources by the end of the first year that I'm just a shriveled up zombie? Will I ever finish an attentive conversation with another adult again or will I always be a distracted mom? How will we afford 2 children at once? double everything! What if I become a reclusive monster who forgets about the outside world and stops shaving and getting hair cuts? What if they don't make it? What if one does? What if one is a runt? What if they are those "weird" identical twins that dress the same when they're 17 and are only friends with each other?
The truth is I can't do it on my own and that is okay because God can. He saw it fit for us to have twins and He will help us in every way, He will provide and He will be with me. He has given me an amazing and supportive husband and a wonderful family to take care of us.
Im overwhelmed and afraid, but I am comforted to know that He ordained this and He believes that we can do this. Knowing this allows me to be excited and encouraged for twins as I trust in Him. I am so honored that He trusted His children to me, and so grateful to have the chance to be their mommy!