I never wanted to be in ministry or marry a pastor. In fact, Ryan asked me out 3 times before I agreed. But the truth was, I enjoyed him, and I believed the gospel just enough to say yes to one date. And then to say yes to a second date, and a third... and then to a proposal. I was scared (I still am scared). I believed that God was in control, that He was good, and that He would be with me as I entered a life of ministry. I knew that following Jesus (particularly in vocational ministry), meant a life of dying to self. I chose to trust that God cannot give a bad gift to his children, but only the very best (because that is what scripture says), so I dove in. Ryan and I both came from comfortable/ well off families and when we were engaged we often road tripped from St Louis to Nashville. Whenever we would pass a dilapidated house on the side of the highway we would joke that it was probably the kind of house we would live in as people in ministry, and we would probably be people that shop at Walmart (nervous laughter..)
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, and Other Addresses
The more we die to our self the more we rely on and draw near to Him, which is painful and beautiful and good and hard and true.
Yesterday Ryan asked me if I could start shopping at Walmart.
Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief.
This quite possible could be my favorite blog post of anyone ever in the history of blog-dom. Excellent, Laura, excellent.
ReplyDeleteNow bring those girls over for a visit.
o, wow! youre sweet emily. thanks for reading. we'd love to come visit!
ReplyDeleteI dream of the day that my kids are grown and I don't have to shop at Wal-Mart anymore. But the truth is, it's SO much cheaper. Like, dollars per item sometimes. The other day, I went to Walgreens after a trip because we had run out of off-brand Claritin--couldn't bring myself to buy it because it was $15--as compared to $3 at Walmart. I got back in my car and drove to Walmart at 9 pm.(It's even cheaper at Sam's, but that's another story.)
ReplyDeleteI still don't know how to do the circular thing, but that can save you even more!
Jenny Pitcock
I never comment on blogs so this is a bit awkward for me. However, I keep returning to this post and reading it over and over. I am a Christian and rely heavily on my faith but in all honestly am not well versed in scripture. Can you please explain to me what you mean when you say "........help my unbelief."? I feel this blog is really speaking to me and I want to understand fully what I am intended to get from it. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteHey! That's ok! Thank you so much for commenting, Im honored to interact with you about this:)! I struggle with loving the bible and understanding it too. "I believe, help my unbelief" is a reference from Mark 9:24.
ReplyDeleteIm going to rewind all the way... So (theologically) our story is: 1) CREATION (God created all things), 2) FALL (adam sinned and the world broke, pain & death entered), 3) REDEMPTION (Jesus came and is fixing the world~ which is where we are now), 4) CONSUMMATION (Jesus will come again and completely fix the world, and there will be no more sin, death or pain, and only joy & peace).
So, we were (are) created in the image of God and to be in relationship with God (that's why we ever long for something more and better). But, because of the FALL, that relationship was broken. We are all sinners, and so we struggle with doubt and believing the Gospel. I mean, even Adam, who physically took evening strolls with God, and personally knew God's goodness, decided that God was actually a lier and he ate the fruit (unbelief). How much more will WE struggle!
On this side of the CONSUMMATION, we can't NOT sin. After CONSUMMATION, we CAN'T sin. God gives Christians the Holy Spirit which helps us believe, but because of the fall & sin we cannot believe perfectly. EVERY Christian will be a mix of belief and unbelief- Which is why we need Jesus. Thankfully, it is not the strength of our faith that saves us, but Jesus who saves us. We are all glorious ruins, a beautiful mess, wounded healers... because we are full of belief and unbelief.
one more thing...picture a head on train wreck. CREATION is one train going in the "belief" direction and The FALL is the other train going in the "unbelief" direction- we are the wreckage that Jesus is and will fully put right.
Did I say too much and make it worse? thanks for reading and asking :) let me know if youd like to email..
Thank you so, so much for taking the time out of your busy life to offer such a detailed and easy to understand explanation. This is so helpful! It means more than you can know that you are willing to offer so much to a stranger. It's a comfort to know others doubt and struggle with the gospel although my biggest issue is understanding what the message is. I hope that makes sense. For example, I thought Jesus died on the cross for us in order to carry the burden of original sin so that we would be born in Gods image in a pure form, so to speak? Also, when you refer to dying to self what exactly do you mean? Is that turning everything over to God and trusting that he knows better than we do what's best for us? I am sorry. As you can see I am full of confusion and questions. Emailing would be nice but honestly I know as a mother to your two beautiful girlies you are busy with things far more important than my confusion. You are a beautiful and giving person and I am grateful for that. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteDon't be sorry! I love discussing this, and our theology is so important! It is good to ask questions and discuss.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the gospel message is a great question. Tim Keller defines it as 1) the good news of gracious acceptance 2) the good news of changed lives 3) the good news of a new word coming. check out this article:
http://extendingthekingdom.org/?page_id=17
You are correct that Jesus died to atone for original sin; sin corporate and personal, past, present, and future. However, until Jesus returns, nothing is pure because there is still sin. That is why we need to rely on Jesus all the time, not just once (although you are saved just once). Additionally, we are all (christian and non) made in God's image. But, when someone becomes a Christian, God gives them the Spirit, and they go from spiritual death to spiritual life and this allows them change through the process of sanctification and become more and more Christ like. We can never be perfect or sinless though until Christ comes again.
you are correct about what it means to die to self. It is trusting Jesus that he is good and loves us even when it is painful for us. It is giving up our will for his. So that post was about how it is painful for me to shop at walmart and live in a dilapidated house on the highway (which I do not, praise god!) but I do it because that is what it is for me to follow jesus into a life of ministry. It is painful for me (a giving up of self), but I am trusting is it what is best for me, and God loves me and He is good. Does that make sense?
Feel free to email: anderson(dot)laurahope(at)gmail(dot)com
you will find that with theology, the more questions you ask the more you have... :\ :)
whoops...3) a new *world coming (not word)
ReplyDeleteHi Laura,
ReplyDeleteI continue to read this post and your detailed answers to my questions over and over again. It is weird. I understand what you are saying but it feels even more than ever that I am meant to understand even more. I know I sound crazy in an insane kind of way but I promise you I am not. I am however confused by how drawn I am to the words(meaning) in this post. I read the article by Tim Keller several times which I am sure doesn't surprise you at this point. It is excellent and answered my questions in just the right way. I do think I may email but I'm so taken back by my behavior over a blog post that I worry I might be too bothersome or a pest. This is just so out of my comfort zone that I feel a bit uncertain. I am wondering if you would mind explaining sanctification to me. I am sorry if that's a silly question with an obvious answer but would love an explanation. If you don't have the time I understand and thank you for all the time you have already given me.
It's me again. I would also be interested in discussing your winter update post at some time if you are willing. That was one that peeked my sense of curiosity in wanting to know your perspective. Taking Jesus to Walmart is different in that I feel drawn to it over and over again-almost like a thirst or a hunger. Ironically I started following your blog to pray for you and your girls and what I am finding is a place for my own spiritual growth and scriptural understanding.
ReplyDeletehey, i think your curiosity and interest are awesome. i think alot of people have the same questions, but just aren't asking... also, I am so happy to continue this conversation, but just FYI, if you would like to meet with someone and talk face to face, you know your pastor is there for that too! you might enjoy that as well.
ReplyDeletesanctification is a process that happens by the holy spirit after someone is justified by christ (saved) in which God makes them more holy/christ like. God commits to doing this by his spirit, the person does not do it by trying harder to be good...this is part of how Jesus is redeeming the world now. often times sanctification is painful, and God using hard things to make us more holy. honestly, i love my husband and marriage, but God has used my marriage as my biggest mode of sanctification. this is bc ryan calls me out on my sin, asks me to change and repent, etc. that is hard!
does that make sense? what can i answer about the winter update post??:)
you may want to listen to Tim Keller's sermons online and read anything you can find- he is an incredible preacher and so understandable. thank you so much for praying for my girls! XO
Hi and thanks again. I thought I had a good understanding of sanctification and I was right. My downfall is trying to grasp the idea that God makes us more Christ like w the the spirit which is unrelated to how hard we try. I really understand accepting Jesus as my savior but I can't let go of the feeling that I need to work for His love, for my place in His kingdom. I guess it's a glaring example of how far I have to go. No matter how hard I want to let go and turn everything over, I realize that I don't. Obviously lots of work to do-lots of prayer to put in.
ReplyDeleteI read Winter Update again and I think I am ok with my understanding.
I will explore Tim Keller-thanks for the suggestion. I am not likely to seek out face to face sessions with our pastor although I know it would be the sensible thing to do. For some reason I feel awkward in doing so.
You have been a great help and I thank you again for all of your time.
that is all of our downfalls. the place of the will is so hard for me. We do have "means of grace" that God gives us to help us; such as, the church, the sacraments, scripture, and prayer, and there is a place for "trying" to access these. but we do not do them to get God to love us, we do them because he already does and we want more relationship with him. what is absolutely true is that you are accepted and loved by Jesus in spite of your very best works. In fact, scripture says that even your best works are like dirty rags, so we need a savior! we DO NOT do good works SO THAT God will love us, we do good works BECAUSE he loves us and we desire to obey freely because we know it is for our good! We love others and give ourselves up for others because he already has for us! The acceptance comes first so that we can love and give freely trusting in him. keep up your curiosity! it is so good! best wishes.
ReplyDeletealso, i love all your questions and am thinking you are not the only one...was thinking of maybe doing a post called "a theological conversation with Anonymous" and just posting our conversation. might help others..what would you think??
ReplyDeleteHi Laura,
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite response so far and it actually made me teary-eyed. I am not sure why although I think the enormity of the concept that God loves me with all of my faults and shortcomings is always overwhelming. I love how you said......." we do good works BECAUSE he loves us...."
I think the post "a theological conversation with Anonymous" might actually reach out to someone, like me, who has so many questions but is hesitant to ask. I think you have a lot of wisdom with tremendous heart and you should use it however you feel called to. I am totally okay if our conversations are a part of that. As a matter of fact I would be honored.