5 weeks out

I can't believe it has been over a month since surgery. I just wanted to do a check in to let you know the latest. I had an appointment today, and I'm kind of discouraged. The girls just are not growing as fast as we had hoped. There is still a 39% discordance rate between the girl's weights. This is actually higher than it was before surgery. All this means is that Baby B is not growing quickly or really catching up yet. She is still growing though, so that is good. This does NOT mean TTTS has recurred, as we have no other symptoms of it besides the weight difference. There is still good blood flow and fluid levels. It may just take her a while to really start growing. The longer they can stay in there the more likely she is to survive. The Dr. said, while this is concerning, all we can do is wait and see what happens, and just take it week by week. We are not in any urgent danger, in fact it is good that she is growing at all, it just isn't the most comforting news either. Praying for a growth spurt and a long gestation!

Hello

Things continue to go well! The girls are improving although they still have a while before their weight discrepancy will go down. I'm doing well too- in good spirits. Im on modified bed rest now which means that I can drive and get out for a bit at a time. I've been using the motorized scooters at big stores and feel really silly, I feel like everyone stares at me. The worst is when you have to back up and it beeps- so embarrassing and hysterical. My mom plans on coming in town next month and helping get things set up, so I'm really thankful for her help! Anyway, Ryan and I are praying and hopeful that I will make it to 34 weeks with no complications and not have to have a C-section-fat chance, right? I know, but Im still prayin for it. 

Grateful & at the same time Grieving

I have had about a week or so to really wrap my head around the TTTS, and have found myself to be a jumble of emotions. Gratitude and joy are my overwhelming emotions, but sadness and anger are in there somewhere too. My training is as a counselor, and so I really believe in the power of process and think it is important to  acknowledge my heart as I continue on this journey. I believe we live in a broken world that God is in the business of redeeming, and that disease is part of the brokenness that God hates. If He is angered and saddened by disease, then I can be too.

Im sad/angry at TTTS for what it took from me in this pregnancy:

- optimal health & opportunity for my girls 

- my hopes of having a low intervention pregnancy and birth- HA!

- the chance to ever have a non-C-section birth (most likely)

- peace of mind

- the ability to prepare the nursery I had been wanting, particularly sanding and painting a yellow dresser/ changing table

- the ability to move homes in order to prepare for them

- the opportunity to travel for showers

- the ability to be more functional so that Ryan wasn't so overwhelmed

- the opportunity to be as involved in RUF this semester

Im thankful the Lord allowed it to stop at that, and that He is redeeming my TTTS. Also that He has promised to make good out of even the most broken of situations for those that love Him (romans 8:28). One of the things I love about Christianity is that it gives us freedom to grieve and groan the brokenness of the world, while at the same time calling us to eagerly HOPE as the world will someday be completely restored! (romans 8, john 11).

3rd base

We had our 1 week post surgery ultrasound today. Getting to this point without complications was the 3rd marker of success. Everything looked great! There continues to be less and less of a gap between the girl's fluid levels. Baby B's bladder looks good, and she is finally having continuous blood flow! The girls were busy busy, and I feel them moving all the time now.

Im doing well, so thankful to have had no complications or scares this week. I have been on bed rest and attempting to eat 3000 calories a day. Ryan says, "I wish I were pregnant with twins, sounds like a vacation" >:o ...he really does know better. Bed rest hasn't been too too hard, I have had visitors and been catching up on thank you cards, and touching base with friends. Our church has cared for us so well, bringing us meals, and helping with other needs. They have made this obstacle so much more manageable, thank you church!

 My back is very sore from not moving much, but Im just glad Im not doing this in the hospital!

Praise God this is going so well! Next stop- home base, which is making it to 28 weeks!